Well here I am, insomnia and all... my head is filled with so many thoughts that I cannot sleep. Is this a good thing? I wish I was sleeping now, dreaming my worries away. Just the same it seems slightly, strangely positive that I am awake. It's 3a.m. yet I feel alive and I've got so much clarity that I'm probably going to stop myself from writing too much. Afraid of saying the wrong things. Just like life, you know? Afraid of the wrong things, but not necessarily knowing what the right things are.
The truth is that I've never really been afraid of anything and I don't know why. I've made mistakes and have said hurtful things. Not because I don't stop myself, but because I cannot. I'm just that ignorant in a brutal honesty sort of way. Kapeesh? As a woman once told me, I'm "not so good with the words". But hey- atleast I try and I pretty much refuse to say anything that's not sincerity.
Perhaps this is all a dream...no it's definetly not, if I was dreaming I know whom I'd be dreaming about :O)
I guess it's more like a messy 3a.m. conjective theorem. Hmmm...
fading fast,
--C.
