tara knows...
Etre. To be.
She is gone... I cannot get past this sentence... turned to stone, much like the days right after she left...
She IS. She exists. Her form may have changed, but her spirit and her energy IS. Physics tells me so.
Then Avoir. To have. I have her. She is mine. That cannot be changed either.
The third fundamental verb, Aller. To go. In some ways, she is gone. Gone, from the physical realm. Gone, from the detection of my five meager senses. Gone from this humble dimension.
She has expanded I think. I will continue to find new ways to talk to her, see her, feel her, hear her, and touch her... I have some of her things and I can still smell her... but her memory is a flood and I am drowning, yet I know that she is no longer afraid, no longer searching, no longer sad.
I am the lucky one. I had my whole life with her. I ache for my father who has had to find a replacement for a love that cannot be replaced.
At times, I have been immeasureably sad. Wandering around like a ghost... as though my compass has been broken. The magnetics of my own existence have been thrown... have been shifted...
Her benevolent, caring, almost gypsy spirit must have been craving the ultimate adventure. That damned disease shred her, it shred us all. She fought more than 4 years, and then she was gone in an instant, although her heart, her beautiful beating heart stayed a few moments more as I held her hand and screamed at her to fight.
My mother has been gone almost nine years, gone. She is gone. That is my sentence. That is all I know...
that is all I can say...
~ July 31, 1947 - September 21, 1995 ~
Karen Sue Lowderman-Stringer
Happy Birthday
I miss you... and I WILL tell your story...
Love you, Chris
posted by Chris at 9:43:00 PM
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